How I became a sissy gay crossdresser -part 3

That first gay experience left me horny, curious and 'with taste for more male 2 male adventures. Still I didn't consider myself nor gay neither bisexual but gay curious...I thought about and have feelings for girls and wanted desperately a serious relationship with a hot and sexy girl. I one side I was in a state of anxiety, kind of stress, permanent search after female attention and to feel loved by a young lady, on the other side, I didn't acknowledge the potential of my gayness or actively seek for encounters with males for love and/or sex, but the thought of a man's hand on my ass or even grabbing an erected cock made me incredible horny. At that point I didn't think about having full sex with a guy or giving a blowjob but the curiosity killed me. What was a certain pattern is that after every failed attempt to have full sexual intercourse with a girl or even being to stressed to show them my cock because of my own insecurity about getting an erection and due to my small size, I started having lots of fantasies regarding those hot girls with others, alpha dominant men, those guys dominating me, calling me "faggot", "cocksucker" and "pretty sissy boy" and myself kneeling in front of them and engulfing their fully erected cocks with my luscious lips...and yes I really enjoyed flirting with guys, dressing slutty and seeing that horny look in their eyes staring at my sexy ass...then sensations became more vivid and being involved in hot and kinky gay sex, it was a true option...