Polyamory vs. Promiscuity <<A personal Rant&
RE: Polyamory vs. Promiscuity <>
Item 1 – Polyamory / Promiscuity
Item 2 – Swinger lifestyle / Open relationship
I remember in the early 90s; looking for my own personal identity in junior and High school coming across a “new” term: polyamory. I researched it, digested all of its nuances and realized that that was my definition.
Polyamory (loving many) is similar to promiscuity (having many “lovers”) but there are some stark, definitive differences. People still afraid of the stigma of promiscuity have now started to lump themselves into the category of polyamory which is causing the stigma to be transferred as well.
Neither label is bad, it is how society wants to define it and how we allow it to be defined that makes it good bad or otherwise. The problem is that if you pile “granny smith apples” in a barrel of “Gala apples” and then just call it apples, you get disappointment and surprise. I think that the reason the word “polyamory” was brought into a social light was so that people with a different sensibility could properly label themselves and cut away several layers of confusion and explanation.
“Love” has been used as a euphemism for sex for centuries. That is one reason people get confused. I am polyamorous. I am relationship oriented when I relate to people. I prefer to have a personal and emotional bond. That can range from friends that I can go to a movie and have pizza with to lovers I plan segments of my life around.
‘Poly’ people tend to create bonds with those they interact with versus empty sex. Promiscuous people typically seeking sexual variety not connection. A promiscuous person typically prefers anonymity with their sexual partners.
Now that those definitions are out of the way, I can move on to the definition of those relationships. Which is less structured since everyone in a relationship is different and have different values. It has been my experience that a true ‘poly’ couple or group are what we would consider “swingers”. Like the dance you end up back where you started or rather with whom you started. To me open relationships are just a couple that wants random sex or sexual variety. That is not to say that one cannot grow into the other but I have found that knowing that difference they are totally not the same.
I have found that a ‘Poly’ couple are rarely “hetero-him” or “hetero-her” meaning: he gets 2 girls ONLY and EVER, or she gets 2 Guys ONLY and EVER but rather they hang out and can be together or apart with each other’s playmates. To clarify, I am not saying the men must have sex with each other or vis versa. I am saying that the guys can hang out naked, laugh and get to care for each other like proverbial brothers with no judgement and so, with the women.
I have found that promiscuous couples with open relationships have a tendency to be “selfish” in some form or fashion. Either the male wants to only watch his ‘lady’ play with another woman and himself (No men for her) or he only wants to watch men use her and leave so that he gets his thrill.
There are graduated forms of both couplings: cuckolding, S&M, BDSM-submission. That would only muddy the waters so I want to keep it to the frame work. I think we should all own the groups that we belong to not allow ourselves to be shamed into calling it something other than what it is.
Full disclosure: I am an openly gay male with a very complicated sexual appetite. I have no desire to really penetrate a woman but I like the sensuality of being with women if there is a group scene. I am not always sexually geared with men. I do like male intimacy (touching, being close and comfortable) and I have been fortunate in life to stumble across the right combinations in my life but I just get frustrated at how much harder it has gotten to seek out and find those couples/individuals/groups that appropriately identify themselves the same as I.
This was just a personal rant I wanted to share. If there is anyone else out there that feels the same. Now you know that you are not alone.
Please comment, speak up or share your experiences.
Item 1 – Polyamory / Promiscuity
Item 2 – Swinger lifestyle / Open relationship
I remember in the early 90s; looking for my own personal identity in junior and High school coming across a “new” term: polyamory. I researched it, digested all of its nuances and realized that that was my definition.
Polyamory (loving many) is similar to promiscuity (having many “lovers”) but there are some stark, definitive differences. People still afraid of the stigma of promiscuity have now started to lump themselves into the category of polyamory which is causing the stigma to be transferred as well.
Neither label is bad, it is how society wants to define it and how we allow it to be defined that makes it good bad or otherwise. The problem is that if you pile “granny smith apples” in a barrel of “Gala apples” and then just call it apples, you get disappointment and surprise. I think that the reason the word “polyamory” was brought into a social light was so that people with a different sensibility could properly label themselves and cut away several layers of confusion and explanation.
“Love” has been used as a euphemism for sex for centuries. That is one reason people get confused. I am polyamorous. I am relationship oriented when I relate to people. I prefer to have a personal and emotional bond. That can range from friends that I can go to a movie and have pizza with to lovers I plan segments of my life around.
‘Poly’ people tend to create bonds with those they interact with versus empty sex. Promiscuous people typically seeking sexual variety not connection. A promiscuous person typically prefers anonymity with their sexual partners.
Now that those definitions are out of the way, I can move on to the definition of those relationships. Which is less structured since everyone in a relationship is different and have different values. It has been my experience that a true ‘poly’ couple or group are what we would consider “swingers”. Like the dance you end up back where you started or rather with whom you started. To me open relationships are just a couple that wants random sex or sexual variety. That is not to say that one cannot grow into the other but I have found that knowing that difference they are totally not the same.
I have found that a ‘Poly’ couple are rarely “hetero-him” or “hetero-her” meaning: he gets 2 girls ONLY and EVER, or she gets 2 Guys ONLY and EVER but rather they hang out and can be together or apart with each other’s playmates. To clarify, I am not saying the men must have sex with each other or vis versa. I am saying that the guys can hang out naked, laugh and get to care for each other like proverbial brothers with no judgement and so, with the women.
I have found that promiscuous couples with open relationships have a tendency to be “selfish” in some form or fashion. Either the male wants to only watch his ‘lady’ play with another woman and himself (No men for her) or he only wants to watch men use her and leave so that he gets his thrill.
There are graduated forms of both couplings: cuckolding, S&M, BDSM-submission. That would only muddy the waters so I want to keep it to the frame work. I think we should all own the groups that we belong to not allow ourselves to be shamed into calling it something other than what it is.
Full disclosure: I am an openly gay male with a very complicated sexual appetite. I have no desire to really penetrate a woman but I like the sensuality of being with women if there is a group scene. I am not always sexually geared with men. I do like male intimacy (touching, being close and comfortable) and I have been fortunate in life to stumble across the right combinations in my life but I just get frustrated at how much harder it has gotten to seek out and find those couples/individuals/groups that appropriately identify themselves the same as I.
This was just a personal rant I wanted to share. If there is anyone else out there that feels the same. Now you know that you are not alone.
Please comment, speak up or share your experiences.
il y a 9 ans
